My whole life I've just wanted to be just like you

"My whole life, I've just wanted to be just like you."  These are the words that so casually came out of my 19 year old daughter's mouth a couple of days ago. Talk about being taken a back...I just sat there and wondered "why in the world would you want to be like me?" I have made mistake after mistake in my life. I have lost control over my emotions over and over. I have days where it's hard to get out of bed and face my daily tasks. This honestly blew my mind and in someways made me feel a little guilty. Guilty because I'm not always someone to strive to be like. It made me think of situations I wished I would've handled better. Times when I should have had more patience or spoke kinder words. It really affirmed a lot of things I've heard over the years about how our children look at us.  They imitate our actions. I hope through all the mistakes I've made over the years, that my kids can look back and know that I loved them with everything I had. And for the times I have let them down or hurt them, I am sincerely sorry. You have been one of the greatest gifts God has given me and I strive to be more like the both of you. ❤

God Feels

It has been a while since my last blog. So much seems to be happening in our lives. So many questions about Poncho's health and which direction to turn. I know that we will eventually look back and see God's perfect provision throughout all of this. It always makes my heart smile when I finally figure out what He's been up to. I have also heard of so many people around me suffering from many losses, whether it be the death of a loved one, an illness, a loss of a marriage, and today a family that lost everything in a house fire. My heart aches for all of these people.  

I am reading a book called The Beloved Disciple. Tonight as I read, I couldn't help but think of not only Poncho, but also the people around me suffering. I know I have stated before that sometimes we wonder where God is during our suffering.  I am here to tell you that He is not only in the midst of it, but He FEELS our suffering. How do I know this? Because His word tells me. Matthew 26:38 are Jesus' words to His disciples the night of His betrayal when He went to Gethsemane to pray. He told them "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.  Stay here and keep watch with me." The disciples saw their leader as they has never seen Him before.  Filled with so much anguish that His sweat looked like blood drops falling to the ground. He even asked His Father in Mark 14:36 to take this cup from Him, yet not what I will, but what you will. He was filled with emotion....He felt. Even though it may have seemed to the disciples that He had become weak...He was still the same God they had been following through their many journeys. the same God who healed the sick, raised the dead and performed countless miracles. Beth Moore puts it so beautifully...."He was not falling apart, He was falling to His knees and that takes strength."  She states "Jesus is the precise image of God." Which means God feels. 

The point that relates to us is that God feels for us....he feels our suffering. He suffers alongside of us. When things become so overwhelming and we are faced with sorrow that we feel like we can't bear...it is ok to ask the cup to be passed....to spare us from our trouble. Jesus asked this of His Father that night. But the most important thing Jesus said is not my will, but your will be done. He accepted his fate that He had known about before He made his appearance into this world in a manger. My friends if your cup is more than you think you can bear....ask for it to be passed. But, if it something that cannot be passed because it is God's perfect will...just remember that He is with you and He feels. 

His ways our higher than our ways

How many times have we lifted up our prayers only to wonder why we haven't received our answer? How many times have we cried out for a broken marriage, a longing to bear a child, or physical healing? Have you ever sat back frustrated and asked "Where are you God?"

There have been times in my life when I have asked this exact question. There is a song that says "I tried to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time." Sometimes we think our prayers aren't being answered because they aren't being answered the way we want them to be. We miss His answers because we want His ways to be our ways.  

Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" declares The Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Poncho has gone through several surgeries for his foot over the past year and a half due to a car accident 12 years ago. The hope was for the surgeries to fuse his bones. This has been unsuccessful. His last doctor's visit he told the doctor he just wanted to be able to take his son hunting and fishing or throw the baseball some without living in constant pain. The answer was very unexpected and shocking to say the least. He said the only way for him to do these things was to have his foot amputated. Of course we have been saddened by this, but we believe this is God's answer to our prayers for healing. It is not the answer we were looking for, but we know His ways are higher than ours. So once again, we choose to trust Him. 

Please pray for Poncho as he prepares for this surgery. He is a strong man who serves a mighty God! We know God's will is perfect and he has never forsaken us. Every trial brings us closer to Him and for that we are thankful.

Trusting Him

How many times do we try to predict and control what will happen in our futures? How much time are we wasting today worrying about tomorrow? Why is it that time after time God meets our every need, yet we continue to spend countless hours worrying about things of tomorrow? What does He have to do to make us trust Him? 

These are all questions I ask myself. I try to control and predict what my future holds. I predict conversations that I will have with people (that usually never happen), I predict the way someone is going to react to something I have said or done, I try to plan out not only my conversations to people, but also my husbands and children's. This completely drives them crazy by the way. Who am I to try and predict or control other people's reactions? Or better yet, who am I to try and know what tomorrow is going to hold? I can barely make it  through today. I am constantly going through my day thinking about what I, my kids, and Poncho have said or done and how others will react to it. 

Poor Peyton....I'm not even sure how she survives in the real world without me over analyzing every move she makes.  Guess what?? She not only survives, but she thrives! Not only is it a relief to not have to live their life and mine, But it is beautiful to watch! She comes home for a weekend and sometimes I feel like I've been to revival! She is not perfect by any means, but wise beyond her years? Yes indeed! I worry....she quotes Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." This is so true! Lets take it day by day! God has proven over and over He holds tomorrow. 

So my goal is to let the God of yesterday be the God of today and tomorrow! He's got this! I don't have to fret over what we are going to eat or wear....or even more ridiculous, how this person is going to react to this or that. My only focus should be depending on and pleasing my God....He will take care of the rest!  Whew!!!! I feel better already! 

We all have a part as the Body of Christ

I have attended the same church for 17 years. I have seen many changes in the church during my time here. I have seen seasons of growth and I have also seen what seems to be dry seasons. I believe that God places us where He wants us to be at a specific place at a specific time for a specific reason.  So often, it is easy for us to want to leave or attend a different church because things are not going as we think they should. Not enough ministries for the young adults, not enough events for the youth or the young children of the church...etc. my question is this....why do we choose to leave instead of stepping up and taking the ministry you feel so passionate about and praying about what you could do to make the ministry what you would like it to be?  Please know that I am preaching to myself because I am so guilty of this...waiting for someone else to do "the job".  What would happen if the people of our churches stepped up and took the bull by the horns per say? When your church seems to be going through a dry spell...are you doing your part to make it pass or are you sitting on the sidelines complaining and talking about what "others" should be doing? 

1 Corinthians 12:27 says "Now YOU are the body of Christ, and each one of YOU is a part of it." 

We all have a part in our churches. We all have gifts The Lord has equipped us with. Let's use these gifts to help bring others to Christ. Lets quit waiting on someone else to do OUR job. 

I am truly guilty of this. I want things to be easy. I say yes to things of this world, yet when it comes to the things that help grow the Kingdom of heaven, I sit and wait for others to take the lead. Let's be the leaders God created us to be and be in prayer of the ministries God wants us to help grow. 

Fully surrendering our lives to God

Peyton came home today and we were shopping for socks to wear with our clown costumes. As we were shopping she told me she went to a bible study last night and they discussed how God wanted to be involved in every aspect of our life, all of our decisions....whether big or small. Her example she gave me was about a lady trying to decide what color to paint her kitchen. It may seem silly to pray to God and ask him something so trivial compared to other things in life, but he wants us to come to him as our Father, our Best Friend. He cares about the things we care about. I picked up a pair of socks and Peyton jokingly asked "do you feel at peace with these socks?" (She's really not crazy). My answer was "no, I don't".  This may sound ridiculous...but if we really think about it, why do we just go to him for big decisions? And an even more important question is, do we go to Him at all for any life decisions? Do we pray about our jobs? Do we pray about what He wants us to do in life? Do we pray about the person we or our children choose to marry? Do we pray when we go to make a decision to buy large purchases such as homes or vehicles? He knows what we need and cares about all of these things...even my pair of silly clown socks. 

Philippians 4:7 says "And the Peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  

This peace can only be found when we are truly in the center of God's perfect will for our lives.  And the only way to be in His perfect will is to surrender our body, soul, spirit and our ENTIRE life into His perfect hands. 

I can't wait to find my PERFECT clown socks! 

Why should we forgive?

I love when I listen to the Holy Spirit! I love when I go to church and come home covered with conviction! I especially love the times I actually obey the Holy Spirit! You know why???  Because it sets me free! 

I have been hurt...we all have been hurt. I have hurt others....we all have hurt others, whether it be intentional or not. 

As I have said before, I have struggled for years trying to figure out what my spiritual gifts are. I know I have at least one because God's word says as soon as we accept Christ as our Savior, we receive our spiritual gifts. Mine happens to be Forgiveness. I love to forgive. I have forgave all of my life. I have a sense of urgency to not only forgive, but also receive forgiveness. I do not always believe that asking someone to forgive you is accepting all fault, but I know in every situation there is fault of my own in some way. So when someone apologizes, I can't think of a time I haven't accepted it.  Why?? Because my God forgives me everyday! Matthew 6:14-15 says if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you...but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. I don't know about y'all, but I NEED daily forgiveness from my Father!  This is where my urgency comes from! Who am I to think God should forgive me, if I am unwilling to forgive others? But what if the other party is not willing to forgive? Or even wants your forgiveness? It doesn't matter...because you have set yourself free from the bondage that has been holding you. Praise God!!!!!!

Another reason to forgive is because Ephesians 6:12 tells us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood (other people) but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. In other words, man is not our enemy....Satan is. Satan sneaks in and nothing makes him happier than when he can cause conflict and bitter hearts. 

I choose to live without a bitter heart. I want to love all people because God loves me and I have been commanded to do the same!